It reached 108º in Portland today. I hope you understand, 108º is too hot. Humans should not endure 108º, even somewhere like India, where at least it’s supposed to happen sometimes. The whole reason that 100º is 100º is Daniel G. Farenheight knew 100º was as hot as a human on Earth will reasonably experience, just like 0º is about as cold as a human will reasonably experience. This is why farenheight is better than centigrade. We don’t jam all of Earth’s usual temperatures between -10 and 35. You know what sounds hot? One hundred degrees. Even 80 degrees. You know what don’t sound hot? 38 and 26. I would dive in a cold river at 26 centigrade. That’s how many years you have to live to rent a car, it shouldn’t be the high end of the temperature spectrum.
Sunday and Monday it’s supposed to reach 115º. They even predict a high of 111º for Detroit Lake, in the wet, high mountains of the Cascades. Trees weakened by last season’s wildfires will die in the heat wave.
They’re warning the elderly to drink more water, but frankly, the elderly have been alive a long time and I trust them to pull through. But I’m worried about the salmon, who can’t just swim to a colder river. The water was already low—fish will have fewer deep, cold pools in which to retreat, and because of the fires, less shade.
Even before the sudden transposition of Death Valley heat to the Canadian border, which, I need to reiterate, is insane, I had decided not to fish this summer. With lower, warmer water, the trout just need a break. Even the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife finally came out with a warning to please relax the pressure on fish this weekend. And no wonder. On the Klamath River, 97% of juvenille salmon caught in early May had the deadly parasite c. shasta. The parasite spreads faster and kills more in warm water, similar to how warmer temperatures let spruce bark beetles survive longer to kill healthy trees instead of just consuming dead ones.
Obviously, shallow water is warmer water.
In 2002, George Bush was trying to curry favor with Oregon farmers and gave the Klamath farmers a larger water allotment than normal. That killed 60,000 adult salmon.
The deer and elk will need water too, and doubtless some will overheat and die this weekend. Smaller ones will be more likely to survive. Small animals cool faster, which is why deserts have lizards and Alaska has moose.
Meanwhile, all of us humans, me included, will be seeking a river to splash in. The deer who need a drink will be wary of a crowded beach.
The cougars will be okay, I imagine. They can drink the blood of thirsty deer.
All that said, I’m enjoying the heat. Lazy sweaty days are so gross that nothing is expected of you. I can read on the porch or swim in the river and that’s frankly a victory. Heat, like heavy rain, erases obligation.
Right now the gents are downstairs assembling costumes and filling flasks for a pedalpalooza event. We’ll drink beer and ride bikes, which is pretty much what Portland is about. It’s not like I was going to do something more productive.
Yeah, they’re yelling that it’s time to go, so legally you have to forgive most of my non sequiturs and all of my typos. Have a great Saturday.